Catching up on some post..

There has been alot of things going on from family wise, job wise, and just me as an individual. I began to feel consumed with defeat and just burdended. I have always held a lot of things on my back. I did not have to do it, but it was just me. I have always looked at what other people needed before I looked at what I needed. I went without so that others around me could be content, could be satisfyed.

 I gave myself when I did not want  to be given. Made many of sacrifce for many of people. But at the end who will do the same for me? Who will go without just so that I can have? Who will put my neededs before theirs? It is funny how when you go through certin things you do not understand them, but as you change the way you think, the way you respond you start to see things in a new light. You get a new perspective on different situations.. I guess I am to that point. Where I have been going through the same things time after time and getting the same results, but continusly stuck in that rut of the way I am use to doing things. Afraid of change, afraid of  what might happen.
 I realize that as long as I continue to fear I am giving the enemy exactly what he wants. I am giving him power over me.. And I refuse to continue to do that. I refuse to continusly be afraid to live my life over what might happen. I mean I have been held prisioner for years behind things that have happened in my past. Things that have happened to people around me. I start to think well what if it happens to me?? What if this or that happens... Man it has been killing me. I mean I am so tired of being afraid to step out there and do something new, or to do some of the simple things because I am afraid of what might happen... The thing I pray is that whatever happens that God keep me and cover me and my family.. To take that fear away from me and allow me to be able to live to breath. and to experience life.