Update

It's been forever since I've posted anything on my blog... So here's the update on my life.. Last yr around this time I just gave up... Gave up on my situation ever getting better, gave up on being healed, my family and life... I was tired of fighting to continue to be strong, but comming up empty handed.... So I went through that phase and even though I gave up on everything and on life I can say that God wasn't ready to give up on me... Cause despite my effort He kept me.. I didn't understand things then, and to some extent I still don't know or understand why....
   Anyhow, went through that situation... hit my lowest of lows and as soon as I thought I was on my way up.... I lost my job... and a few weeks later found outI that I was pregnant.... I didn't know why God was allowing me to continue to go through things... I often asked God hadn't I been through enough hell... and asked why He kept allowing me to go through disater after disaster... Never got an answer... I knew God wanted to draw me close to Him..., but me being me I wasn't ready and always said I would become serious at another time...  Months into my pregnancy God gave me a word through someone I didn't even know.... and it was amazing to me just how he works...
 God had to get me to a place of total dependacy on no one but Him... He had to show me that it was Him and only Him  that could keep and sustain me ... And that's exactly what He did and continues to do... Throughout my whole pregnancy and even before He has provided... Things that I need physically, spiritually, and in my own personal life..
 I am at a place in my life were I desire a more intiamite relationship with Him... I desire to know him and seek his face as were before I could care less... I went to church and was content... I"m not were I wanna be, but I'm not were I use to be either...
 I can honestly say that I am stronger because of all the hell I've endured throughout my life... .my faith have grown because of the situations God has allowed me to go, and through it all He allowed me to come in contact with REAL FRIENDS .... that encourages me... and keeps it 110 with me..