My Struggling Relationship with God

Every since I was a child I have struggled in relationships. Mainly my relationship with God. I have endured so much pain growing up as a child that it's hard to believe that a man that's supposed to love me so much would allow me or anyone else to go through some of the thins I have went through. Even though I have struggled with my relationship with God I still desire to know Him (God) for who He truly is. I remember always praying that I wanted to know Him (God) for myself, not from what someone else told me, but from my own relationship with Him..
Since I've moved I joined a church and it's a cool church and all, but I'm still struggling to go. I haven't really connected with anyone there because I'm quiet. This past Sunday was my first time going in a while and the preacher talked about "God's Shaking" and I cried during the whole sermon. Why because I know that message was for me I have been dealing with so much stuff from the past and truthfully it has consumed me. I am not the person I want to truly be because of the things that has held me bondage for so long. I'm to the point in my life were I am tired of struggling with my realtionship with God, it's like I either want one or I don't which in reality. I would perfer one... I know I am going to have my struggles in life and don't expect it to always be easy... But I'm ready for that new relationship. Ready for the struggle in our relationship to be over