My life has completly changed sinced the birth of my daughter... She is my world.. She gave my life a whole new meeting. Sometimes it's very difficult to fathom just how much my life has changed.  It's no longer just my life that I have to worry about; in every decison that I make I have to first think about what's in her best intrest. Now I haven't gotten to the point were I'm making the right choice a 110% of the time and I may never be there.
  Being a mother is a hard job very hard. Balancing work, school, and a child yea more than a handful..But I manage to do...

Update

It's been forever since I've posted anything on my blog... So here's the update on my life.. Last yr around this time I just gave up... Gave up on my situation ever getting better, gave up on being healed, my family and life... I was tired of fighting to continue to be strong, but comming up empty handed.... So I went through that phase and even though I gave up on everything and on life I can say that God wasn't ready to give up on me... Cause despite my effort He kept me.. I didn't understand things then, and to some extent I still don't know or understand why....
   Anyhow, went through that situation... hit my lowest of lows and as soon as I thought I was on my way up.... I lost my job... and a few weeks later found outI that I was pregnant.... I didn't know why God was allowing me to continue to go through things... I often asked God hadn't I been through enough hell... and asked why He kept allowing me to go through disater after disaster... Never got an answer... I knew God wanted to draw me close to Him..., but me being me I wasn't ready and always said I would become serious at another time...  Months into my pregnancy God gave me a word through someone I didn't even know.... and it was amazing to me just how he works...
 God had to get me to a place of total dependacy on no one but Him... He had to show me that it was Him and only Him  that could keep and sustain me ... And that's exactly what He did and continues to do... Throughout my whole pregnancy and even before He has provided... Things that I need physically, spiritually, and in my own personal life..
 I am at a place in my life were I desire a more intiamite relationship with Him... I desire to know him and seek his face as were before I could care less... I went to church and was content... I"m not were I wanna be, but I'm not were I use to be either...
 I can honestly say that I am stronger because of all the hell I've endured throughout my life... .my faith have grown because of the situations God has allowed me to go, and through it all He allowed me to come in contact with REAL FRIENDS .... that encourages me... and keeps it 110 with me..

Update

It's been a while since the last time that I've sat down and blogged, so it's been alot of things that has taken place.... A lot of life changing events and some not so dramatic or important... But I'm going to talk a little about both... Well the not so dramatic is I lost my job at the AHH and yea at first it was very difficult to handle but that was just because I was worried about how others would take it and the disappointment that others seein.... The life changing event is finding out that I was pregnant... Now that was the life changing event for me and yet the most difficult to swallow in a sense... I thank God for my blessing but I have learned alot about myself  some good some not so good..  One of the things that I've learned or am learning is how to lead while I bleed... That has been a difficult process for me, but I have a good example to follow after and that's my father Daddy Woods.. Also another issue that has really bothered me is having to sit down from the ministry I was in... It wasn't because I was pregnant, but for my saftey which has been one of the hardest thing for me because I loved what I do I love comming and serving and now I'm at a point to were I can come and serve, but serve in a different aspect right now, and learning how to be obdedient, and satisfied with the position I am at... Yet it is still hard...

Hurtful Relization

Today I have been in a some what depressed state. I have like I lost my best friend just down. Don't really even know where it came from. I was just driving in my car and began to feel a heavyness. To feel hurt because I felt like no one loved me, no one cares about me; but I know its not true. I have a lot of people that do love and care about me. But in feeling this way I remember something Z said to me last week that can't nobody truly love me till I love myself! Damn that hurt me and almost brought me to tears.

I can't deny it anymore I don't truly love me. I don't know if I ever have. I've been angry for so long behind no one to love me and the promblem has been I haven't loved me. In all truth and honesty I don't know how. I want people to love me and see my potiential but I don't realize it myself. I don't see the beauty within cause its covered up with clothes 3sizes to big and a hat to cover my eyes. I don't see the beauty because I've never taken the time to look in the mirror and see something beautiful. Damn what am I to do now!?!? How do I change this?!?!?! Today, I have been in a some what depressed state. I have felt like I lost my best friend just down. Don't really even know where it came from. I was just driving in my car and began to feel a heavyness. To feel hurt because I felt like no one loved me, no one cares about me; but I know its not true. I have a lot of people that do love and care about me. But in feeling this way I remember something Z said to me last week that can't nobody truly love me till I love myself! Damn that hurt me and almost brought me to tears.

I can't deny it anymore I don't truly love me. I don't know if I ever have. I've been angry for so long behind no one to love me and the promblem has been I haven't loved me. In all truth and honesty I don't know how. I want people to love me and see my potiential but I don't realize it myself. I don't see the beauty within cause its covered up with clothes 3sizes to big and a hat to cover my eyes. I don't see the beauty because I've never taken the time to look in the mirror and see something beautiful. Damn what am I to do now!?!? How do I change this?!?!?!

What is love

Is there a such thing as love?
I hear that word so many times from so many different people, but I'm curious as to what it really means to them...Everytime I think I have figured out exactly what love is or isn't someone comes into my life to show me that I truly don't know what it is... Well let me correct that saying... I know what love is, but do i know what it is for someone to truly love me... to a certin extent... I ask myself if I am worthy of love... Will true love ever come to me without me having to compermise myself? or my value??
What is love?

Sitting Still

The agony of sitting still. I hate sitting still not being able to keep moving. It seems like a punishment to me. Its when the devil is the most busiest n my life. Too much time to think and reflect on all the bad all the mistakes I've made it my life.
I've always been able to stay on da move stay on da go. Now to be forced to sit still yet again feels like a torchours punishment yet again. There's so much I could be doing but I can't stay focused long enough to do it. Too many thought bombarding my mind all at once. I feel like a computer that is in overload when I'm sitting still it eventually freezes up and you have to reboot it... I don't want to have to go through the rebooting process again its too tiresome and painful.

Do You know Your Worth

Do you know your worth, your value? How do you determine just how much I am worth? Is it my past mistakes, and flaws? Is it the potential that I might have, but am uncertin of? How do I measure my worth and value when others around me have told me I'm not worth the ground I walk on? How do I measure my value when I've always been told I'm worthless and will never amount to anything....Please tell me how...

   I'm afraid of trying cause I'm afraid of failing
I'm afraid of the future cause I don't know what lies in it
I'm afraid of love, cause I never felt worthy of it...
but most of all I'm afraid of me.....Because I don't know my worth nor my value